I missed you, my BFF

To me, there are different levels of friendship in the world: BFFs, inner circles, just friends, acquaintances, familiar strangers, and so on.

In my mind, I know that God is good. But in my heart, I’m not so sure if He is good to me. This thought has been nagging me for many years but I’ve never surrendered it to God.

I know I am a friend of God’s. But somehow I didn’t feel like I’m His best friend, like I’m not part of His inner circle of friends. The friend who hears directly from Him, the friend who is abundantly blessed by Him, the friend who is serving Him wholeheartedly in ministry. And I’m not in His inner circle because I’m not good enough or holy enough.

And these thoughts have been eating at my soul until my spirit broke down. For many weeks, I ventilated to God and wrestled with Him on how envious I felt of others who were blessed because they were part of His ‘inner circle’ and I wasn’t. And then finally one day, He spoke to me:

Was the woman at the well part of my inner circle? Was the woman with the issue of blood part of my inner circle? Were they good Christians? Were they holy? 

No Lord, they weren’t. In fact, they were outcasts. Women who have been shun by society. Women whom people think you wouldn’t consider them to be your friends.

But you did.

You reached out to the woman at the well first and she responded to You.

He had to go through Samaria on the way… Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.” (John 4:4-7)

The bleeding woman was just someone part of the crowd and You healed her when she reached out to You.

She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” (Mark 5:28)

Jesus has always been there beside me. I just needed to respond, I just needed to ask, I just needed to hold the hand that has always been at my side.

Dear Jesus, I’m sorry I missed you. Thank you for being my BFF.

my bff