From Fear to Faith

Do you’ve an irrational fear? I’ve an irrational fear of going mad. When? At the age of 40. Why? Because of the so-called ‘mid-life crisis’ that many people talk about and fear of. So I went for counselling and at the end of my first session with my counsellor, she left me with a word – FAITHFULNESS.

We sing it, quote the verses and even pray for more of it. But it has always been a vicious cycle – I don’t have enough faith, I need more faith, I’ve faith again and then I don’t have enough faith again and it goes on and on.

So I asked God why “FAITHFULNESS”. First, the famous hymn comes to mind, “Great is Thy Faithfulness” – It is not my faith but His faith.

Thereafter the famous verse comes up:

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

Matthew 17:20 NLT

Jesus already knows and recognises that we don’t have enough faith. But even with faith as small as a mustard seed, we can move a mountain – It is not by our faith but by His power.

Finally a famous encouragement:

Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God.

1 Samuel 23:16

There is no mention of encouraging David to have more faith but to stay strong in God and other translations used “strengthened”. It is not more faith but be strengthened by God.

Life is not a self-focused faith journey. Life is a GOD-FAITH journey – a journey where we are constantly looking away from ourselves and towards God, moving from our fears to focusing on God’s faithfulness. FAITH is my word for the year and may our faithful God strengthen us throughout this year.

The Introvert and the Great Commission

Clutching my 4 Spiritual Laws pocket book, and nervously watching for someone who might look like a nice person. ‘Nice’ meaning someone who wouldn’t scream at my face for wanting to share the gospel.

That memory of Street Evangelism will always make my heart beat like crazy and soles of my feet cold. I was only 12 years old then. Inviting friends to church outreach programmes was easier but also a big challenge for me.

It didn’t get better as I grew older. People would say, perhaps you will grow out of the shyness. But it didn’t get better because in university, I secretly heaved a sigh of relief when I managed to wriggle out of Street Evangelism again because the truth is – I am an INTROVERT.

INTROVERT – a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone

I am commonly misunderstood as an extrovert. My best friend once commented, “You like to talk so much, you can easily make friends with a stranger.” I thought in my heart, “No, I only talk so much to YOU because there is no one else whom I can talk to.”

For 27 years, my introvert nature has been a thorn in the flesh for me. I felt lost and condemned for not having the courage to share the gospel during evangelistic programmes. After all, it is a commandment – it is THE GREAT COMMISSION. So how does an INTROVERT fit into the Great Commission?

Jesus is the Gospel

Last year, I read “The Great Commission” again. But this time my eyes focused on first part of it, verse 17:

When they saw him, they worshiped him—but some of them doubted!

Matthew 28:17 (NLT)

Let’s see Jesus and worship Him. In whatever we do or say, it is for the audience of ONE – Jesus.

An Obedient Heart

And then I focused on the last part of it, verse 20:

Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

Matthew 28:20 (NLT)

Let’s live a life that’s obedient to His word. May our lifestyles glorify Him and those around us will see Jesus in our lives.

Be Strong and Courageous

I love how Jesus always hears our emotions. He knows we are fearful and assures us that He will be with us always. Whenever the disciples fear, the first thing he says is “Do not fear…” God will send help and support when we fear in public speaking, sharing in small groups or even one-to-one. Moses was so fearful of speaking to the Israelites that God sent Aaron to be his helper and mouthpiece.

Sharing the Good News

The gospel is the Good News of Jesus. And it should be shared from our hearts.

I have told all your people about your justice.
    I have not been afraid to speak out,
    as you, O Lord, well know.
I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart;
    I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power.
I have told everyone in the great assembly
    of your unfailing love and faithfulness.

Psalm 40:9-10 NLT

Let’s share the good news – about Jesus’ faithfulness, unfailing love and saving power in our lives.

The Introvert has a role in the Great Commission. That role may be sharing about God’s love through songs, serving the community through volunteer work or watching out for the needs of others in our comings and goings. That role can also be in the form of ‘writing’ – writing about the good news. I’ve never thought of myself as a writer, even during my days as a student who did well in English. But over the years I discovered that God has given me the opportunity to write stories for His glory. And in writing, I also discover more about my faith.

Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.

2 Timothy 4:2 NLT

A casual lunch-date with a pre-believing friend could be THE TIME to share the word of God. Slowly but surely, the Holy Spirit will teach us Introverts to be ever ready in season and out of season to share the gospel, and in our own special way that God has destined for us in The Great Commission.

Hear me and See me

“You sure?”

My response to a friend who just experienced a miscarriage in her home.

Little did I know that these two simple words could hurt her deeply and it is one of the worst responses coming from an ex-social worker and supposedly mature Christian.

I have been guilty in giving insensitive remarks, so-called practical advice and attempting to speak from experience (actually more like hearsay). They seemed so natural, objective and harmless.

Only when I was at the receiving end of such comments after experiencing 2 miscarriages, did I realise how hurtful they were:

“What happened again?”

“You didn’t rest?”

“Oh dear.”

“You can try again next time.”

A few years back, a good friend asked me to blog about why it’s so hurtful to hear people make such comments. Others who haven’t experience a miscarriage often don’t understand how it feels. I wasn’t able to write then because in my heart, I was still feeling hurt and guilty from the comments- both receiving and giving them . Through the years I’ve been contemplating – why such simple remarks and even a ‘silent’ reply hurt deeply.

Why do I feel discouraged?

Why do I feel so sad?

Psalm 42:11a

It was probably not pure coincidence that I read this verse when I experienced a miscarriage. I think discouragement is an understatement. Being the one fully responsible for the baby’s development in my womb, I felt condemned thinking that I indirectly killed the baby. And then sadness – a family member had passed on – my child.

When a family member passes on, there is a funeral wake or there is some visual memory, in physical appearance and life testimonies . People offer condolences, words of comfort and prayers.

But there is usually no funeral for a miscarried baby. In some cultures, it is a taboo to talk about miscarriage because it is considered a ‘mother’s shame’. No one really knows what to say as nobody has seen nor heard the baby. Only the mother has ‘felt’ the existence of the child. Hence, no one seems to be grieving alongside with you.

Humans yearn to be acknowledged. God knows we long to be heard and seen. He heard the cry of distress and saw Hagar when she was fleeing from her mistress.

And the angel also said, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the Lord has heard your cry of distress.

Genesis 16: 11

Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.”[a] She also said, “Have I truly seen the One who sees me?” 14 So that well was named Beer-lahai-roi (which means “well of the Living One who sees me”). It can still be found between Kadesh and Bered.

Genesis 16: 13-14

We long for our cries to be heard and we long for our tears to be seen. And I longed for people to hear and see that it was not just a sac, not just a foetus – it was hope, it was a life – my child.

If you know of a friend who has experienced a miscarriage, acknowledge her sadness and let her know you are available to listen when she is ready to share and reach out with acts of kindness. No questions asked nor advice given, I had wonderful friends who:

  • came over to my home to cook and clean
  • delivered a homecooked dinner for my whole family
  • sent flowers and snacks
  • not just say “praying for you” but really praying with me in person or in text
  • gave me virtual hugs

Thankfully Psalm 42 doesn’t just stop at sadness but ends with hope. Walk alongside her in this journey of grief by hearing her cries of distress, and acknowledging her pain so that one day she can put her hope in God again.

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again—

my Savior and my God!

Psalm 42: 11b

Jarful of 10

How did I come up with the name “Jarful of Plenty”? It actually started off with a very trivial obsession with the Christian rock band, “Jars of Clay” in my youth days. I loved their music, it was one of the rare times a Christian rock band’s song would be played on secular radio. It was really difficult to get access to Christian contemporary music in the past. The only way was through buying CDs at Christian bookstores and of course this pricey option was unavailable to most common folks.

My life has not been one of the easiest nor has it also been the hardest. But friends often describe me as someone who looks very tired and/or grumpy. I think it all started in university when I had to study and work part-time at the same time, it was extremely exhausting and sometimes I survived on just bread and milo for meals. More often than not, you will find me falling asleep during lectures in school and sermons at church.

Someone recently reminded me that in order to LIVE, we have to be filled first and so – “Jarful of Plenty”. Inspired by God using a simple clay jar to demonstrate His love for us, I want my life filled with Jesus, overflowing with joy and resting in His grace. Hence, to remind myself about the purpose of my blog, I created 10 different jars found in the bible – may my audience of One be pleased with my stories for His glory.

Bible Art Journalling

How do you read the Bible? Perhaps you are not sure where to start? Is the tiny font putting you to sleep? Maybe you stopped reading because it seemed too difficult to understand. Have you read it so many times that you feel bored now?

I accepted Jesus into my life at 10 years old. I remember that afternoon, seated in a small group, clutching my Bible and saying the salvation prayer. And as a new believer, I devoured the Bible and went for every Bible study faithfully, memorising scripture verses. Quiet times were filled with devotion magazines from Scripture Union. There were quizzes, crossword puzzles, games and colouring pages. When I started reading the bible without a devotion guide, I diligently wrote according to the outline: summary-learning points-reflection-prayer. And then the Pass-it-On Message Cards became popular. Anyone remember those? Wow, I had tons of those in my wallet. Before Bible lettering was trending, I was already writing verses and drawing pictures to make my own ‘pass-it-on’ cards.

But as time went on, and the busyness of life taking over, transitioning to young adulthood and then becoming a parent, I stopped reading the Bible altogether. The Bible was still on my table but not touched. Initially I gave excuses like not having time or I was too tired. But honestly, I got bored. The Bible sounded like a broken record, a nagging parent. Once in a while, I would read a devotion emailed to my inbox or I would flip to a passage when the pastor referred to it. But not reading the Bible as it is, on my own accord – I did not purpose in my heart to read the Bible anymore.

Then the warning lights came: anxiety, anger, bitterness, envy. You know they are warning lights when your body starts to break down physically and mentally due to stress. Desperate to find answers, I started reading the Bible again. But this time, I went back to my childhood first love – writing the verses and drawing the pictures. It wasn’t a sudden realisation, but a journey of being inspired by close family and friends. Social media played a part as well. So I started drawing and I started with my favourite thing to draw when I was young – coconut trees – I can’t remember why I was obsessed with drawing them though.

Creating art from Bible verses stirred in me the desire to read the Bible faithfully again. I seldom get bored even though I’m now bad at memorizing verses. I’ve been discovering new things from those seemingly ‘boring’ passages that I’ve been reading over and over again.

However I’m not art-trained nor do I’ve any special talent in art. Many times I ask myself, “Why do I bother? No one is going to look at my art. I’m not a professional artist.” I also fall back into the same old rhetoric of “I have no time”. But I continued to create art while reading the bible and continued to ask God the purpose of creating. Then one day, I heard Pastor Joseph Prince speak about “Building Faith Pictures” – how forming a picture of God’s word in our mind served as important visual reminders of God’s promises in our lives. He shared that God himself illustrated His promise to Abraham:

Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!

Genesis 15:5

It took me about 5 years to figure out this creative journey with God, and I wrote a book called “Building Faith Pictures” to encourage others to create art while reading God’s word. Through reading this devotional, my hope is for everyone to discover the joy of reading the Bible and hearing God’s word through building faith pictures – beautiful visual reminders of His grace, love, hope and peace. You do not have to love art or know art or be good at art. You simply to wish to dig deeper into His word and explore creative ways in expressing your reflections. There is a total of 7 weeks and each week, there is 1 devotion reading with invitation-to-create prompts which will help you in making art. A white page is provided for you to write, sketch, draw or paint.

The 5th word in the Bible is “create”. God is the creator and we are made in God’s image, so we are creators too. His created ‘artwork’ is creation itself. We can create, we can create art. Will you accept my invitation to respond to God’s Word through art?

Click HERE to buy “Building Faith Pictures” (SOLD OUT)