I still remember very vividly on the day of Noah’s birth, in the labour ward, the midwife checks with me: your 5th pregnancy?
We chose the name, Noah, because he was borne out of rest, by God’s grace. Not by our own striving, hardwork or efforts. After having 2 miscarriages, we decided to not to keep worrying or even pray ‘hard’ for smooth pregnancy. Instead we stayed mindful of God’s grace and His promises for us.
It was not a smooth pregnancy at all: spotting throughout till the third trimester, fibroids, yeast infection, gestational diabetes.
But never once did the word ‘miscarriage’ threatened us.
Noah turned 1 year old in February. Even as third-time parents, there have been so many trials and challenges. But this time around, we listened more to our paternal instincts, the Holy Spirit. We are also very thankful for all our families and friends who had been praying for us throughout the pregnancy and birth. It has truly been a journey of resting in God’s grace.
I’ve been reminiscing about the past. My childhood. The good old days. And at the same time, I’m worrying about the future. My retirement. The coming end days. I think about the house I used to live in, and the house I yearn for. I think about the holidays I enjoyed, and the holidays I dream about. I think about my children when they were babies, and the adults they will grow into. At times, I feel that I’m almost losing my mind, myself, in all these thoughts, in all the busyness and noises around me.
And in one quiet moment, as I push the stroller along a shady path, just me and my sleeping baby, I become mindful of the present, of the living word of God…
“Give us each day our daily bread” – Luke 11: 3
Not the stale bread of yesterday, and not the un-risen bread of tomorrow but the bread for today.
So these days, I’m savouring each moment, I’m being mindful of His presence and I’m living each day for His glory.
Up till 2010, I’ve always made a point to make new year resolutions. Then my firstborn came along in December 2010 and I have stopped since.
With children in my life, the years didn’t seem to have a clear start and a stop for me. The children are growing, developing and changing constantly, continuously. Every new year’s eve, we still get them to bed on time. There is no party, no watching the night, not even a countdown as we will be in bed by 11pm. My identity has been so enmeshed with the children that resolutions made on my end just wouldn’t make any sense.
Perhaps a word to usher in the new year would be more apt. A word to bring hope, inspire, encourage in the days ahead.
My word for this year, is ‘flowing’ – flowing with the spirit, flowing to rest, flowing in the unforced rhythms of grace. What would be your word for the new year?
Dear friends, my previous website (jarfulofplenty.com) is no longer active and I’ve also deleted all my posts there. But I’ve decided to continue writing as a form of practice for myself. Thank you for dropping by here and taking the time to read my posts.